Having kids is a gamechanger. One of the very first things most new parents discover after having their first child is that it’s nothing like you expected. Anything you thought you knew prior to having kids (myself included), goes out the window when the baby arrives. Obviously, that is for the better—there’s no greater love you’ll experience than the love for your child—but the reality is that it is life altering and can sometimes be isolating and a scary change of pace for some new parents. Yet there are ways to make the life transition a little easier. Here are the five things I wish I knew before having kids.

Open Your Circle

Sometimes there is nothing more helpful than getting advice straight from someone who has been there—that parent who is a little further down the child-raising path and seen the other side. Seek out others who have already had kids and build relationships with them. Having a supportive community of parents (in all stages of life) around you as you begin your parental journey is incredibly helpful as you face each new obstacle as a parent.

If you’re not quite sure where to start in creating your circle, we can help. At Hope Community Church, we have dozens of small groups that meet all around Reno throughout the week. The goal of these life groups is simply to support and care for one other. Click here to check out the variety of life groups available—some are even specifically focused on moms.

Set Boundaries

While opening up your circle to others who can provide helpful guidance on parenting, there is still a need to set boundaries on who you allow to speak into your life. Anyone who has had kids will certainly acknowledge that when first becoming a parent, it’s practically impossible to not get bombarded with advice on essentially anything related to having children. Advice will come from parents, family members, friends, co-workers, random strangers at the grocery store, you name it. But not everyone is worth listening too. Take some time to reflect on who you want to give permission to speak into your life on this ever-so-important journey of parenthood.

Work Through Your Past

Most of us have childhood issues or traumas at some point earlier in our lives that we may be good at hiding in most scenarios in our lives, but these struggles tend to show up in surprising ways when we become parents, wreaking havoc on our ability to parent, our relationships, and therefore, our children. If you have traumas in your past (or even ongoing family issues) that you haven’t already dealt with, seek out help to work through them. Equipping yourself with the tools to break the negative family cycles before having children is one of the best gifts you can give your child.

Communicate With Your Spouse

Families are great, but they can be hard. That’s only amplified if you and your spouse are not on the same page AFTER the baby arrives when the stress level has increased tenfold. Communicate with your spouse before having children about needed boundaries, schedules, and general expectations of what you think your family’s life should look like once having children. Everyone comes from a different background, and navigating the cultural differences and viewpoints early on is helpful not only once the child arrives, but for the strength of the marriage too.

Prioritize Your Relationship

When baby arrives, it’s rather easy to allow the excitement (and the stresses) of parenthood to take over. This so often leads to spouses forgetting to take the time for each other, yet for a happy and healthy family, the connection between spouses is critically needed. Make sure to schedule time for each other so that your marriage doesn’t get neglected Find ways to make small deposits into your relationship, whether it be finding creative ways to connect with your spouse in their love language or sneaking away for date nights as much as possible.

Are you in need of more help as you prepare to become a parent? Or perhaps you’re already a parent but need of a more supportive circle? Wherever you fall on the parenting spectrum, we’d love to help. Please join us during one of our Sunday services, or simply text your prayer requests to (775) 485-1234 and we will walk with you on your journey.